While I normally just write about stuff about the family, albeit terribly infrequently the last few years, I think that the Manhattan Declaration deserves some special attention.  If you are Christian in the United States, then you owe if to yourself be familiar with this landmark statement.  Click the link above to find out more.

I added my name to the long list of signatories today and would encourage you to consider the same.

Well, I’m afraid facebook has really destroyed me for doing family blogging, but I am resolved to do better and this is my first new effort toward that end.

That said, even though I have lived in Alabama most of my life, I have to admit that Christmas in Alabama almost always bring me one specific disappointment; no snow.  As a rational adult, I know better than to even hope for snow in Alabama in December, but like most Americans, I’ve seen so many Christmas movies that somehow, deep down, I really seem to feel that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day ought to be celebrated (everywhere) draped in about 3-6 inches of beautiful white fresh fallen snow.

This is completely irrational and I know it.  Aside from that, as  a Christian, it is doubly irrational because the celebration of the incarnation has NOTHING to do with weather.  Still, I want snow, and oft complain about the lack thereof while wearing my shorts on Christmas morning.  Crazy.

All that said . . , one of the recurring jokes around the Hardgrave home during the holidays when talk of snow arises is something like “Well, there’s always March” (because of the winter storm in 93)   Now that may not sound strange to many, but given the fact that we have actually broken ground on gardens in March before, it always tickles me a bit.

Well, today “There’s always March” finally yielded forth it’s promise.  Today, March first brought a whole load of big flaky snow and as I write this, I am sitting by the fire full of hot chocolate.  Kathryn and I listened to Christmas music on the way to Church this morning, and when we all got home, our girls had their first real snow ball fight.  God is good.  :-)

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” ~ James 1:17

visit this iMix in the iTunes Store

Attention Morningview Members!

As many of you know, I’ve often lamented the fact that it seems so hard these days to find good modern worship music that has the kind of substantive theological content that’s really worth memorizing and actually meditating upon.

Thanks be to God, that is changing!  I’m more excited than I have been in years about some of the music that I’ve discovered recently and can’t wait to introduce it to you.

Lord willing, we’ll be learning much of it together in our services over the next few months.  If you would like to get a foretaste, check out the iMix posted above and let me know what you think.  I don’t think that you’ll be disappointed!

Grace and Peace,

David

“Now to the King of ages, immortal, invisible,  the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever.”

~ I Timothy 1:17

Lily:

“Grandma Jennifer’s Sign-up” (Understood by Lily to be the chorus of “We’re marching to Zion”)

“You are Whole-Louise” (Understood by Lily to be the chorus of “God of Wonders”)

Kathryn:

(EVERY night during family prayer) “Dear God . . . and thank you that I get to go to kindergarten. Amen”

Sarah:

(talking about what she learned in school one day) “Satan’s name was Lucifer, that means light-bearer and he used to the lead the music in heaven, just like you Daddy!”

(ouch.)

The always lovely Angela after choir rehearsal

Sarah, Kathryn and Lily at our Church’s Independence Day  Picnic

Kathryn, Lily and Sarah during a summer “Dr. Seuss Day” 

Well it is hard to believe (at least for Mom and Dad) , but Sarah and Kathryn are both now in school.  Both were very excited about their first day, but Kathryn has been waiting for so long to be able to go to school like her big sister, she’s been downright giddy about the the whole thing.  

After having had almost two week of school, I’m glad to say that Kathryn’s enthusiasm hasn’t waned a bit.  She seems to love everything about Kindergarten, but is quick to tell you that her favorite “subject” is lunch.  Oh for the days . .  . 

Thanks so much to all our family far and wide who sent Valentines treats for the girls. The Girls have loved everything and have been thrilled at home as things seemed to arrive all week. Just as an FYI, we have been sick in form or fashion for about three straight weeks and hence haven’t been as fast on the draw to get the phone or return calls (talking sort of hurts). Anyways, please forgive us if we haven’t called, but we are so thankful for all of you and really appreciate so many people thinking of the girls.

I do have the say that special Kudos go out to my step brother Justin who managed to send the girls gifts from Iraq in between 12+hour days digging up IEDs and my sister Amanda who remembered Chinese New Year and sent the girls “Valentine’s/Chinese New Year” fusion treats. Sarah recently studied ancient Chinese culture in school and got to show off her knowledge by explaining the gifts to her sisters. Strange, sort of, but Lily having been less than 2 years old when we brought her home, doesn’t remember that much from China.

Ear Surgery again!

Kathryn had to go in for another surgery on her ear last Monday to patch up the hole left in her eardrum from a tube that came out. Thanks so much all who have prayed for her. All went well and today’s follow-up visit confirmed that things are healing up well.

Angela and I really tend to feel sorry for Kathryn as she has already been through three surgeries at 4 years old, but more than anything we are so thankful. When you pause and think of all the things that can be corrected and cured through relatively minor surgery that would have either been deadly or permanently debilitating just 50 years ago, it really is quite humbling. God has indeed been so good to us and we are thankful for Kathryn.

Princess Coffee.

This is one of our occasionally weekend treats with the girls. Basically a few ounces of coffee and a lot of frothed milk. They love it and are probably on their way to the same kind of coffee habit that their parents have.

Snow.

As hard as it was to believe, we actually got about half a day of strong snow back in January. This is Lily about to clock Kathryn with a snowball. This was Kathryn’s first time to actually see snow. It was a blast.

I (David writing) really like to update the blog (even just adding pictures) when I feel that I’ve got something to say that is somehow profound, sublime, challenging, or at least minimally witty. These days, however, moments (and/or thoughts) of any of the above are almost unheard of (yes, I did end the sentence with a preposition, but my 8th grade English teacher assured me that that makes it an adverb). It could be that I’m actually becoming a better judge of what I might say and hence am realizing that I may never have actually had anything to say that truly fell into one of the above categories, or it could be that parenthood is just melting my brain. At this point, I’m really at peace with either option.

At any rate, having no material of late that falls into the afore mentioned categories, today I am motivated by something much more powerful.

Guilt.

So for all of you, our dear friends, who have said so many times, “you’ve got to update your blog,”
I yield.

This one’s for you.

Every year, I try to do some sort of garden with the girls (that is, the little ones who have to do what I tell them). It’s often hard to justify the time, but I have such great memories of the gardens that my mom planted every year and the acres of land that my uncles kept cultivated around my Grandmother’s house, that I just can’t imagine my children growing up not knowing the joy of it all. I know that they’ll never sit with any of their grandmothers shelling bushels of “butter beans” and “shucking” wheel-barrel loads of freshly picked corn as I did, but I’m hoping that, in some way, somehow, our small garden plot will help to yield the kind of virtue that Mr. Jefferson seemed to think was so closely connected to agriculture. No, I’m not trying to raise “tomato-huggers,” but I’ve got to say that there’s just something about the sights, smells, and textures of a garden that seem to refresh the soul and be almost “innately” good. It’s really hard to identify exactly, but well articulated or not, I know that I don’t want my girls to miss it.

So every year we do a garden,

and much to their father’s delight, the girls (the children, not my wife) really do seem to love it.

Sure, a garden is not the gospel, but nonetheless, God has revealed His attributes in creation (Psalm 19, Romans 1) and so just as the earth is “filled with the lovingkindess of the LORD” (psalm 33:5), in someway, I really believe that our little garden helps us each year to taste and perceive the goodness of God and the Glory of His handiwork in a very unique and tangible way.

(and I, for one, know, that they ONLY appropriate response to biting into a good, freshly-picked garden tomato is “Thanks be to God!”)

IN OTHER NEWS . . . .

This is me and my dear, sweet, ever-loving wife in Atlanta for the Georgia Marathon on March 25th. I’ve really got to hand it to her because she was the absolute best cheerleader I could have asked for. Over the 26.2 mile course, She and our friend, Beth Tinkham, managed to negotiate the roads and transit system of an unfamiliar town and to see us off at the start, meet us twice during the race, and again at the end to cheer us on as we crossed the finish line. Thanks so much Angela, you’re the best!

Here is a great shot of our friends, Matt and Beth, before the race that morning. Beth was just one week away from delivering their first baby, David Joshua, and yet was was more supportive and energetic that I could have imagined possible. Amazing.

Matt, you definitely married up (as did your running partner!)

AND FINALLY . . .

Here’s a few pictures from Kathryn’s 4th Birthday Party. Given that Angela couldn’t be at Kathryn’s party last year due to the circumstances surrounding her brother Michael’s funeral, it felt like a big deal for our little family to all be together this year for Kathryn’s birthday party. Thanks so much to all of you who came and/or sent Kathryn cards and presents. She had a great birthday and couldn’t have been any happier.

Well, how else to Celebrate our one year anniversary with Lily other than going to our favorite local Chinese restaraunt?  (We especially like this one because they always make a big a fuss over Lily, she, of course, eats it up!)
It’s so hard to believe that it has already been a year (and what a year it has been!).  We’re still a little too short on time to really write out all of our reflections, but suffice it to say that through all the trials, God has been so good to our family.
It really humbles us to look back and remember how He has used our church, friends and family to support and and sustain us all along the way.  Thanks to you all for being His “hands and feet” to us.
“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus”~  Philipians 4:19

“For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the increase of his government and of peace
there will be no end,
on the throne of David and over his kingdom,
to establish it and to uphold it
with justice and with righteousness
from this time forth and forevermore.
The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this”

~ Isaiah 9:6-7 (ESV)

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Merry Christmas from the Hardgraves

Well, the summer is over and the Fall is finally here! Here’s a few picture from the last few months at the Hardgrave home. The one above is Sarah’s recreation of our “last hurah” of the season, a day-trip that we took to the beach for Labor Day. I was pretty impressed.

Lily loved the birds. The birds loved Cheeze nips.

Kathryn has wanted to go to school with Sarah so so badly. To help her come to grips a litte bit with Sarah now being gone for school, we let her dress up in one of Sarah’s uniforms and ride in to school with Sarah and see her classroom. We walked in, the funniest thing happened. All of Sarah’s friends just kinda stopped what they were doing to stare at us. Finally one them broke the silence (that I didn’t quite comprehend) and said “which one is Sarah?”

Every other saturday or so, we have chocoate chip pancake day. As you can see, Lily loves it.

Many (many, many) thanks to Shaohannah’s Hope who helped us financially to bring Lily home. We’re sending in our story for their “yearbook” sometime this week and our friend and webmaster, Jason Wohlford, was kind enough to take a few snapshots of the family for us to send in. Those of you with children of your own know how hard it is to get everyone smilling in one picture. We got this in just three takes – probably a new record for us. Enjoy the smiles! (they don’t come easy . . . often, but not easy)

The girls all playing by the pool on a wonderful 4th of July morning.

The girls all love to swim. Lily is no exception!

After swimming in the morning, David and Sarah went to the local driving range. That’s Sarah above on the way home cooling off with some Gatorade.

Sarah scoping out the lay of the land.

Notice the rusted out truck on the left? For the those of you not from the beloved South, I’ll let you in on a little secret. The way you can tell that this is a driving range and not just a pasture is that the truck is sitting on it’s own tires rather than blocks. (By the way, the truck is affectionately known as “Mater,” as in “Toe-mater,” a red juicy vegetable suitable as a meat subsitute on some sandwiches)

It’s a hit! (Sarah, not me)

This is a great picture for two reasons.

1) Sarah took it. (Not bad for a 5 year old!)

2) It shows just how terrible I am right now at golf. Yes, I have completed the swing and yes, the ball is only about 2 inches off the ground and about to drop right back to were it was before I started my swing. Shameful, I know, but there it is.
An now, on to some Memorial Day Pictures . . .

Many thanks to my Aunt Suise and Uncle Bill who invited us to their condo on Pawley’s Island, South Carolina for the weekend. The whole family had a fabulous time. I think we would live there if we could. The girls are still talking about it. But alas . . .

Sarah as a sand mermaid. Finishing touches complements of my artistically gifted sister, Amanda Smith.

Kathryn and Lily making Sand Castles. Man, did they love the sand.

Remember the end of the “Mary Poppins?” . . . .well, this is me flying a kite with the kids (they are there, just off camera, I promise). If you didn’t learn anything else from that movie, at the very least, you should take away that as a father, you should voluntarily fly kites with your children least some magical nanny have to come to your house, turn your life upside down and make you lose your job so that you’ll have plenty of time to do it then. . . “Let’s go fly a kite!”

Another great shot of Lily. She loves the camera.
And last but not least, below is a picture from Sarah’s dance recital. Way too cute!

Dearest family and friends,

Please forgive me (David) for not putting anything up for so long. I am always saying “I feel like I have no time,” and I guess, as much as I desperately want this to change, for at least this phase of my life it just isn’t going to.

The new catch phrase in our home has become “constant vigilance.” This is primarily due to Lily who is at the “you can’t take your eyes of them for even a moment” stage of toddlerhood. The reason for this is simple. She has an incredible way of making the safest of evironments a hazard to life and limb.

I really don’t want to mention even a fraction of the things that she has gotten herself into over the last few months for fear that someone who doesn’t understand the whole “two-year old” thing might misinterpret them, but I will say at a minimum that we’ve pulled more things out of her mouth than we know what to do with (many of which we don’t even know where they came from). We have a theory that she is actually using her checks as “pockets” for potential nap/bed time snacks. We wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she actually still had some food from Changchun in there.
In all truthfullnesss, she’s really not much different than Sarah and Kathryn were at this age, we’d just forgotten what was like to have to be so constantly “on guard.” It is exhausting (and I’m just the Dad talking here.)

Well, anyway, we know that this will pass, but for the moment though, it does tend to keep us away from posting (and host of other things not essential to the day-to-day survival of the children). That said, it is still such an incredible thing that God has done in bringing her to us and us to her. She really is a joy.

We’ve been asked a few times how your love for an adoptive child compares with the love you have for your natural children and I can honestly say after almost four months that in the most general sense, it’s really no different. It just as wonderful to get hug coming home from work from Lily as it is from either Sarah or Kathryn – as a matter of fact, it’s 150% as wonderful as it is was before. Three excited hugs are always better than two.

As difficult as it has been these few months to adjust from two children to three, adding the stress of a new two year old in the house, I still think that so many more people should be doing this, that is, adopting.

As I survey my generation, I am deeply saddened by the HUGE number of couples, even and especially Christian couples, who chose to have no children so that they can instead invest their lives in the pursuit of “things,” “hobbies” or even “finding themselves” (whatever that happens to mean on Oprah this week). All the while, millions of orphans both here in the U.S. and around the world waste away not knowing the love of parents and many not even having the basic necessities of life.

Besides the fact of the overwhelming need to which so many my age turn a blind eye, there’s a fundamental problem in our value system represented here. The problem is what we consider to be of value. We run after big screen TVs, luxury cars, fine houses, the best clothes, exotic vacations, or the latest gadget – all in an attempt to satiate what we think are our deepest desires and all vain attempts to truely satisfy the soul and put to rest its hunger for things really lasting, like communion with other eternal souls (that is people, and especially the little ones called children) and an eternal God.

I am saddened for the joy that my “childless by choice” friends will miss.

There’s a flood of joy that flows from loving your children that can be no more described to someone who hasn’t experienced it than can the ocean to someone who has never seen it.

Having experienced it, I can’t imagine anything that could be purchased on earth that could compare.

All the BMW’s in world aren’t worth that first time your five year old learns to use the phone and calls you at the office to tell how much she loves you and misses you when you are at work.

There’s no DVD player, Ipod, laptop computer or sound system that can bring you half the joy of just listening to your children giggle as they run through a garden hose sprinkler.

There are no big screen TVs that will gather round your death bed when you are old. No property or bank account will mourn your passing.

There are no “things” that will carry the legacy of your Faith to the next generation.

Children do that – not the “stuff” that can be bought with the money and time that can be harvested from choice for childlessness.

Sure, things have been tough lately, but I hope that we never forget that where it counts, we are RICH!

Yes, we are rich.

Well enough rambling . . . In the midst of all the “hullabaloo” of late, Lily had her 2^nd birthday party. That’s her cake pictured above. We had a great day with a small gathering of some of our family. Thanks to everyone who came down. Lily had a blast and we did too!

Other than being a little bit scared and out of sorts upon waking up from the quick procedure, Kathryn did great this morning and according to the Doctor, everything went fine. If all goes as planned Kat will be hearing great and quoting Shakespear (O.K. well probably Dora) before you know it!
Thanks be to God!

We just found out on Friday that Kathryn has had some fluid build-up behind her eardrums and needs to have “tubes.”  We had been concerned of late about her speach developement and found this out while haveing her hearing tested by an ENT specialist.  We don’t know how long her ears have been in this shape (poor thing!) but if all goes well, her hearing should dramatically improve and her speach should follow.

Please pray for Kathryn as the surgery will be tomorrow (Monday, April 3) morning.  We know that it is “minor” as surgeries go, but it is still surgery.
Trusting in God’s goodness and mercy,

david

There’s a great old Hymn by William Cowper (1731-1800) that containes the following stanza:

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

The last month has been a pretty tough one in our home. Besides all of the sickness that has been going around the house, We are most saddened to have to report that Angela’s brother, Michael Belcher, passed away on Monday, March 13th, only weeks after haveing been diagnosed with lung cancer. (Michael and his oldest son, Jesse, are pictured above)

There’s so much to say about Michael and how much he will be missed that to adequately begin would require so much more than a webblog could accomadate. Frankly, it just wouldn’t do it justice to attempt to do so here, so please forgive our intentional brievity. Suffice it to say that he is “remembered” by hundreds and maybe thousands of living memorials, those being the family and friends that he loved so much.

These days have indeed been a “Frowning Providence” for us, but we have, in so many ways and by so many people, been warmly reminded that God does indeed “hide a smile” behind all of the things that we strugle to endure and even comprehend.

When placed against the backdrop of death and loss, the blessings of life and family come into sharp relief and focus. You hold your children just a little tighter and longer with each hug, linger longer in that phone conversation you thought you didn’t have time for and perhaps most importantly, you realize that eternity is not nearly as distant a reality as we tend to lull ourselves into thinking that it is.

To all of you who have encouraged us, prayed for Angela and her family, called us, brought us dinner, helped us with the girls and done so many other things, we thank you so much. God’s mercy to us has come through you.

Well, on a lighter, but related note, during all of this, Kathrn turned three years old. Her party was scheduled after to be the Saturday after Michael’s funeral. If not for the fact that we had to cancel Kathryn’s last Birthday party (stomach virus) we would have cancelled this one. However, even though Angela couldn’t make it, we went ahead and held it just as planned (Thanks so much Mom, Emily, Elaine and Nick for helping out!) and Kathryn had a blast. I’ve included some picture’s below. Hope you enjoy . . .

This weekend Lily was the guest of honor for at receptoin thrown in her honor by Angela’s family at her home church, First Baptist Mt. Olive in Mt. Olive, AL. We had a great time and it was really great to see so many friends and family. We just continue to be overwhelmed and humbled by great love and kindness that you all have shown us and Lily. We would have never imagined that we could have been so incredibily supported, loved and encouraged.

Well, as usual these days, I’d love to write more, but time prohibits me. Please forgive me for not writing more, but I have posted some pictures below to give you a small look into life in Hardgrave home these days.

Lily and “Paw” (Angela’s Dad) at the Reception

Barbara Moon (Angela’s Aunt) and E.J. “Papa” Campbell (Angela’s Grandfather)

Lily and Kathryn playing in their fort (made from sofa cushions)

Basket Bed Babies.

Can you tell that Kathryn and Lily LOVE laundry baskets?

It’s not really that cold, but it’s fun pretending it is.

Sarah kicks-off the first “Hardgrave Family” fashion show. The girls are showing off their newest clothes for Daddy.

Have we mentioned that the girls LOVE new clothes?

Well, if you have talked to us lately, you probably already know this, but things are going great with Lily. Despite the normal sibling stuff, Sarah and Kathryn both really love her and often make it a point to thank God for Lily when we say prayers together at bed and before our meals. It’s really sweet.
On Monday of this week, Angela took Lily to the International Adoption Clinic based at UAB and everything that we’ve heard so far has been good. They thought that she seemed to be bonding well and suggested the her outgoing personality testified strongly to the fact that she was with a foster family for the last year rather than in the orphange.
We have read the the initial transition and bonding process with children in fostercare could be really traumatic, but the “trade-off” if you will, is that the children from foster care do tend to be able to really make an attachment quicker. The folks at the international clinic menitoned all this again and added that Lily seemed to be doing well emotionally as well as physically.

Yesterday, February 16th, was our one month anniversary of Lily’s “adoption” day. It’s hard to believe that’s its been a full month since we paced with anticipation with our friends, the Whitlocks, in that government office in the freezing cold city of Changchun, China.

Given all the excitment, there’s not been a lot of time of for deep reflection, but we can not say enough about how good God has been to us. Despite the fatigue involved with keeping three preschoolers (fatigue mostly comes from Lily and Kathryn) safe, feed, sleeping, learning and loved, it was been wonderful to have a full house. On top of that, I just can’t say enough about how wonderful you, our friends and family have been to us. On top of having a reception/shower for us this past Sunday, there have been countless words of encouragement and acts of Kindness. We’ve really just been overwhelmed by everyone’s love and kindess.

The girls playing with blankets. This is a great game as you can both play “Peek-a-boo” and be an eskimo princess at the same time!

Lily in an outfit that Nettie Jones gave her at our reception Sunday. You can’t tell it from her expression here, but she LOVES new clothes just like her two sisters do.

Before starting this post, Angela left to run some errands and take some much deserved “alone time” while doing so. Since I started writing this post (now three hours ago), I’ve intervened in countless “sharing” issues, changed a few diapers (Full diapers), dealt with a couple of tantrums and managed to not notice until this moment that Kathryn is wearing her blue jeans backwards. It’s been fun, but I have once again been reminded how thankful I need to be for my dear wife who spends 90+% of her waking hours keeping the kids alive and loved. And for the record, I’ve never seen any of the kids’ pants on backwards when she’s in charge.

(By the way, Sarah wants to help me post, so she’s adds “I love you Aunt Susie!”)
Things are getting closer to “normal” and we are starting to make some real progress in re-establishing our routines. We may even get back to our diet here soon. If we don’t, the new outfits are going to have be for Dad(me). Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!

PS – Our posting has been and will be, I am sure, somewhat erratic for the foreseeable future. If you would like to get our posts when they are new, you can use your browser or email client (Mozzilla Thunderbird is incredible and free) to subscribe to our site’s RSS feed.  You can get it here.

Lily is fitting right in!

Since the girls were sick last weekend, tonight was first time we have taken Lily to Church. The picture above shows the “Welcome” banner that our friends put up in the nursery. We know Lily can’t read it, but it was still really cool and very thoughtful. We love you guys (girls) , y’all are great!

Lily in the nursery tonight

Kathryn having a great time in the nursery too!

So far as we can tell, Lily did great in the new atmosphere and seems to be really taking well to her new church family. She, of course, has no idea how much she is loved by our dear friends at Morningview, but I am confident that she’ll know soon enough, it’s just too hard to miss.

All three girls having chocolate chip waffles. (No mom, they don’t get this every morning, We promise )

Well, after several days of acclimatizing and concerted effort on helping Lily learn to sleep again at night, things seems to be settling down nicely. Sarah continues to relish the big sister role and may as well be Lily’s “little mommy.” Kathryn seems to really like Lily, but the standard toddler “rules of engagement” or “property laws” do still apply. If you haven’t heard these, they go something like this:

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
9. If it it’s near me, it’s mine.

Many of you reading this may be thinking just like me, “humm . . . that sounds a lot like the way our friends in the middle east view property.” Well, as you might expect, it’s producing the same basic thing in our home that it produces in the middle east . . . conflict (of course on a much smaller scale and without the imported black-market arms). But I digress . . .

All that said, it really isn’t that big a deal, for as far as we can tell, they’re behaving just like normal toddlers and right now, we think that’s mostly a good thing. Teaching our preschoolers to share their toys in complete altruism is, we know, a “Holy Grail” of parenting that we will most likely never fully attain with any of the three.

(Sometimes we still need some work on “the sharing thing” as grown-ups!)

All-in-all, the girls are really getting along famously. Sarah’s doing such superb job at being a “little mother” to Lily, that Lily has actually starting going to Sarah to try get her to take a toy away from Kathryn after having unsuccessfully petitioned Angela. The toy-taking, of course, goes both ways, so Lily’s fitting right in.

Three Peas in a Pod!

On another positive note, Sarah and Kathryn have discovered that some things that were “very fun” with two sisters are “super fun” with three sisters. At the top of this list are 1) “Playing Horsey” (all three on my, David’s, back moving about 10 very exciting steps) and 2) “Riding the Pony” (Sarah on one knee, Kathryn and Lily on the other.) Both of these events are almost guaranteed to land all of us on the floor in a big pile with lots of giggles. It’s fun stuff.

Thanks for your prayers. The Lord is good and indeed, His mercies are new every morning!
(Mow!)

Please remember that we had been traveling a long time when these were taken!

Wow, is it great to be home, but man, do we have a killer case of Jetlag!

We’ve had jetlag before. I remember a trip to Europe in college where we steped off the plane after a long transcontinental flight, only to arrive on the morning of the first full day of our choir tour. We were groggy the whole day and slept pretty hard the next two nights.

This was no fun, but it was really more of an inconvenience than anything else.

Jetlag, however, when faced together with a toddler who already didn’t sleep all that well before the night/day “switch-a-roo”, is an entirely different matter. Wow.

Without belaboring the details, our first few days at home, while being at least 95% wonderful just because we are at “home,” have still been a bit rough. While Lily sleeps fine during her mid-day nap (she is groggy most of the day anyways), night time sleep is really rough at the moment. So, thankfully, Sarah and Kathryn are sleeping wonderfully, but nobody else is.

All that said, please forgive us for not being too communicative since arriving home. It’s just about all we can do right now to get meals on the table for the kids without falling over asleep in the pantry. (Side note: we want to send a big “Thank you” to the “Scrap booking girls” at Morningview who spontaneously brought us dinner on Thursday. What a Godsend!) We’ve had every intention of calling folks, even answering some of your calls (we do love you all), but just haven’t been able to get much done.

Well, since I am awake and have a rare opportunity to type, on to “the good stuff” . . .

We were met at the airport on Wednesday by Sarah and Kathryn and all of Lily’s new grandparents. After Lily’s initial shock of being swamped by all the adoring WHITE euro-american family members, she really warmed up to them all pretty quickly and became her normal sociable self in no time. We had a great time over dinner with all of our parents and watched in wonder as Lily got more and more “warm” towards her new family.

After a little bit of rest, Lily, Sarah and I (David) manged to make it out to Cole and Joy Portis’s home for Morningview’s “Adoption Open-house.” It was a great time of fellowship and a wonderful envirnment for Lily to begin getting to know some the church family. She surprised me again by warming up enough, after an hour, to go off on her own and actaully play a little bit. (mostly, it seemed, Jason Wohlford . . . just what is it with Jason and kids?)

Sarah and Kathryn have both been very excited about Lily’s arrival, and while Kathryn is understandable timid about Lily now that the physical reality of new younger sister is setting in, Sarah has embraced her new “keep” like a mother hen. She LOVES being THE big sister and just relishes every opportunity to be a little mother to Lily. Even though we’ve had to gently remind Sarah on a few occasions that she can’t “smother” Lily with her attention, all-in-all, she been really good with her and it’s been really fun to watch.

Despite the jetlag issues, the girls do seem to be adjusting to each other pretty well. As mentioned above, Sarah is taking it the best. She was the oldest before Lily came and is still the oldest. Kathryn was the youngest and is now the “middle child.” (Yes, we’ll be going to all of our three-child friends for advice on this soon!)

We don’t know a lot about Lily’s life with her foster family, but we do that she was in an “only-child” situation with older parents. So . . . while Kathryn is moving to “middle-child” status, Lily is moving out of “only-child” status. As you might guess, we’re anticipating a bit of bumpy road with Lily and Kathryn.

As of this morning (Saturday), we’ve had relatively few issues with the girls having conflict, but we’ve also refereed everything between them pretty closely. As we began to let them negotiate their relationships without us, the fights are sure to come, we just want to minimize them initially in the hope that this will aid the bonding between them. We’ll see . . . .

As our friend, Randy Breedlove, has so often reminded us, going from two to three children is like going from a “man-to-man” to a “zone” defense. After two days of having three kids, I’m certainly no expert, but “kudos” to Randy for the analogy, for this IS a whole different ball game. wow. This is certainly going to be quite an adjustment for Angela and I as well.

All that said, it’s really neat to have all the girls together and the whole family under one roof.

On another note, we would like to make sure that you all know that we’ve gotten every post that you have made to encourage us over these two weeks and are so grateful to you for them and to God for giving us such a wonderful support network in you all.

(Lily in a shirt given to us by our Chinese Guides. The Characters going down her left side are her Chinese name.)

Well, Lord willing, this will be our last post from China.

Today we went to the US consulate and took the oath for Lily’s IR3 visa. Once we go through customs at the Detroit Airport in the U.S. and they accpet Lily’s paperwork and stamp her visa, she will be a U.S citizen. Though, of course, she’ll be none the wiser, it will a great moment for our family.

(Angela and Lily getting ready to go to the “swearing” ceremony)

We’ve had an incredible journey here in China, but know where our home is, and as with every trip away, whether near or far, we appreciate it all the more. As cliched as this is to say, being away from the states really helps you to realize just how blessed we are as a nation and how much we take so many daily blessings for granted (such as drinkable tapwater for one).

On to some details. . . .
We’ll be be taking off tomorrow at 8:30am our time (6:30pm, CST, Tuesday) from Guangzhou, China and arriving at 4:30pm in wonderful Birmingham, Alabama on Wednesday.

No guarantees, but we’re going to try to make it to Cole and Joy Portis’s home on Thursday night for Morningview’s “Adoption Ministry” open house. If you can make it out, we’d love to see to you all and to tell you more about all the great things that the Lord has done to get us through this incredible journey. We know that there is still going to be lots of adjusting left to do for the whole family, but we just can’t believe that we are now the parents of THREE beautiful daughters and we can’t wait to have them all together!

Living in the evidence of things unseen,
David and Angela

Well, things continue to go beautifully here in Guangzhou. 90% of the time with Lily has been just smiles and giggles.

It’s been fun, but we are so ready to come home. As you can probably imagine, we’ve missed Sarah and Kathryn terribly.

Today(tuesday), we’ll be going to the U.S. Consulate to swear an oath to take proper care of Lily and after that, the formality will finally be finished . . . thank the Lord!

We’ll be starting our 26 hours (give or take) of airports traveling back to the us tommorrow, so we’ll packing and enjoying a few more precious of sanity before what is sure to be an ordeal.

We can’t wait to see everyone and can’t wait to be back in the good old United States.

Here are some more pictures we took while visting at the the White Swan

Here ‘s a shot of Lily playing with one of the local merchants. Her name was Ah-Koo-Bee and Lily loved her.

Some more pictures in the room

Lily Loves shoes!

Ok, some “food” shots

Lily’s favorite Crackers – kind of a puffed rice thing

These weren’t in the Pet department, of course, there was no pet department.

notice the flavor . . .

Believe it or not, Lily loves these . . . she’s going to have to enjoy them while she can.

these below were actually pretty good

Notice the english caption? . . . We’ve been calling these “born again” crackers. We think that they are supposed to be some sort of Chocolate flavor, but they taste awful . . . yet again, however, Lily loves them.

This is a wonderful video that David put together in China. It shows the very first time Angela and David meet Lily. It’s a very touching movie. I hope you enjoy watching their first moments just as much as I did. Thanks to David and Angela for sharing their lives with us.

P.S. If you’re having trouble viewing the movie, please download and install QuickTime. If you’re still having trouble, feel free to email me. God bless, Jason Wohlford.

We are so happy to be the southern town of Guangzhou, but it’s not just the weather.

Where to begin, where to begin? . . . Today has been absolutely wonderful!

Just as we expected, the plane trip yesterday had some rough spots, but all in all, it could have been much worse. As I think we alluded to earlier, our major issue has been that Lily has been, in public, prefering anyone who can speak Chinese over us. We have expected her transition to be a rough one, but none the less, it has proven to be hard on us emotionally as well. The plane ride was a good example of this.

Once Lily began to get frustrated with the 4-hour confinment of the plane ride, her tempermant began to go south and once again wanted just anyone but us. She had been playing with the passengers behind us, so during the first tantrum, she keept trying to leave us to get back to them. During a later tantrum, she tried to leave my arms while walking her down the aisle to go to a stranger who held out her arms to her.

Thankfully, however, no one “swooped in” to pacify her and, as we had hoped, she decided after a while that we weren’t that bad after all. After the end of the series of plane tantrums, she was pleasant the rest the day.

When back in the hotel room in Changchun, we had discovered that a very effective way to set behavoiral boundaries (without giving her reason to doubt our love for her) was the classic “time-out” in the crib. We’ve had to use the crib for a “time-out” just a few times today as well. Thankfully, she is not quite big enough to crawl out of the crib during a tantrum, hence this works beautifully and I might add, very quickly.

Having now had just over 24 hours to consistently establish behavior boundaries, Lily’s public disposition has improved amazingly. On Thursday, she was hitting our faces screaming calling out to anyone who would try to take her out of our arms and today she was talking to store clerks in Chinese telling them that she is very happy and pointing out Angela and I as her “Mama” and “Papa.” In addition to this, she resisted the invitation of a stranger to hold her and moved quickly to Angela. I can’t tell you what this did for Angela. A diamond necklace wouldn’t have made feel better.

We can tell that you are praying. Today has been a breath of fresh air. Thank you friends and thank you Lord!

On a different note . . . we have no idea if she’ll continue like this once she deals with the shock of going to the states, but it’s hard to overstate how socialable Lily is for 20 months.

She seems to immediately become the darling of just about any store we take here too. She loves to play peek-a-boo and will start a game with almost anyone who makes eye contact with her. It is really a precious thing to watch. She just loves to laugh and just like most preschoolers, does it with her whole body. It is just so fun.

Well, please enjoy the pictures below. Tomorrow will be church, shopping and more paperwork. Hopefully smooth sailing. We’ll see . . .

PS- We’ve put together about a short video of highlights from last Monday when we first saw and adopted Lily. There are some incredible moments. Our web support friend, Jason, is working on getting it up on the site, but it is proving to be a bit tricky. If it can’t go up on the site this weekend, you should get to see it if you are a part of our church family or in the Montgomery area and would like to worship at MorningviewBaptist Church this Sunday Evening (Jan 22, 2006). As the Lord’s providence would have it, we are doing an Adoption emphasis and the plan is currently to use the video during the service.

Lily teaching us the Chinese word for “fish”

Some Shopping pictures . . . we had a great time!

A local artisan doing a granite etching of a picture of Jesus . . . wonder how she got the orginal?

Going to the French version of Walmart in China. Surreal.

Lily watching TV in a stroller, she loved it!

Lily pushing her bear in the stroller. She really thought she was “big stuff!”

Some pictures of us playing “peek-a-boo” with Lily in her new red dress, complete with a generous helping of good old-fashioned belly laughs!

We’re getting ready to fly to our last stop in China today, the city of Guangzhou, where the US embassy is. There, we will get Lily’s final papers for us citizenship.

Going out continues to be pretty hard. Yesterday brought some major issues. Strangely enough, as soon as we stepped into the room and it was just us three, Lily’s behavior was almost heavenly.

We still don’t know most of what Lily is saying and we can’t use our guide, for rather than just interpret for Lily, she just tries to take her out of our hands. We know that our guide, Lily, is really well-meaning, but this just seems to really hurt the bonding process of parent to child. We’ll get a new guide in Guangzhou, so we are really hoping and praying that this is the end of that problem.

Today is probably going to be tough. Thanks for your prayers.

Our family picture on the certificate

Shooting Video – -could this show up somewhere soon . . . keep tuning in!

Sippy cup of favorite juice . . . priceless!

The Whitlock Family children, our traveling buddies!

Sorry its been awhile since our last post. We’ve had two very full days and jet lag finally caught up with us yesterday and fell like a ton of bricks. Thankfully Lily was sleepy too, so everyone got a lot of sleep. Praise the Lord!

Well, after completing another round of paperwork on Tuesday to apply for Lily’s passport and finalize the adoption paperwork that will be taken to the US embasssy, we came back to the room for what would start a rough night and day. We have been told that the 2nd and 3rd days could be hard and they were in several ways. Thank you so much to all those who have left comments to let us know that you are praying for us all.

As the Lord would have it, it turns out that Lily is very linguistically advanced for 20 months. We’ve discovered that much of what we had earlier mistook for “standard” baby/toddler talk was actually pretty sophisticated communication (for a 20 month old at least) in Chinese. This has, understandably, left Lily a bit frustrated at times. Given that the Orphanage director (a kind and friendly lady) and our guide have been with us most of the last 2 days since the adoption, Lily seems to often prefer them when we are all out somewhere. Both the guide and the orphange director, while well meaning are, probably without meaning it, accomodating this in sweeping in and picking up Lily to talk with her when she can’t communicate and sometimes to give her things that we think she shouldn’t have, (like another cookie right before lunch.)

All that said, when back in the room with just us, Lily remains however as affectionate as ever and loves to play and even snuggle! You see pictured above that she slept with Angela last night very happily and below, loves playing “Horsey” with me (David).

The building we are standing in front of above is the ophanage where Lily lived until December 2004 when she went into foster care. We found out a good bit there about Lily’s likes and dislikes as well as her life with her foster family. From everything we can tell, she was well taken care of and loved.

Pictured with us here are some of the orphange staff and the Whitlock family, Mark, Kaye, Elisa, Micheal and their newest daughter, Meileah. They have been great friends and traveling companions on this leg of our trip. You can follow their story at www.Meileah.com.

What can I say about yesterday? Meeting Lily for the first time was unlike anything I have ever experienced. As we and the Whitlocks and our guide (whose name, believe it or not, is Lily!) sat in the Civil Affairs office Monday morning, waiting to meet our children, my emotions ran the gamut from nervous to excited to anxious. Finally, the door opened, and in came the officials with our babies. I saw Lily and couldn’t wait to hold her. She, however, had other plans! She cried and cried–I am glad I was prepared for that! The orphanage director held her for a while, and we let her slowly warm up to us. She finally started coming to us and feeding us Cheerios. By the time the paperwork was done and it was time to leave, she was laughing and playing games with us. She got a little upset back at the hotel when the Whitlocks left us with their little girl, Meileah, to go to their room, but quickly recovered.

Lily ate well all day, took a 3 hour nap, had a fun bath time(we can‘t believe that went so well!), and went to sleep at 8:30PM and slept until 6:30AM. I was worried that she would come unglued when she woke up this morning and saw where she was, but she woke in a great mood! Praise the LORD! As I write this, Lily is dancing with her daddy, having a great time. We are so unbelievably blessed and happy. We can’t wait to get home so she can meet everyone.

P.S. David is working on a video of “Gotcha Day” and should have it posted soon. Keep checking back!
-Angela

David adds:

There is so much to say, but believe it or not, Lily is just attaching to us so well, it’s hard to sit at the computer to type. She just keeps running from one of us to the other wanting to play games or just be held. It’s just unbelievable. It’s almost like she’s always been ours! We know that there’s bound to be some difficulty for her along the way as she mourns the losing of her Chinese foster home, but so far it has been smoother than we EVER imagined.

We KNOW that you are praying for us and Lily and can feel the tender hand of our gracious God upon us as it were a warm blanket wrapped around us.

Indeed the Lord is good and “His tender mercies endure forever!”

Lily and Mommy on the Bus back to Hotel

Lily loves itunes and sits with Daddy Dancing to music

We’ve arrived!!!

We got in Saturday night, Beijing local time 10:30pm, after about 26 hours of airports and airplanes. After a few hours of sleep we woke up to the great breakfast pictured above.

I recognized only about 20% of what I ate, but hey . . . as they say “Its All Good!” . . and it was.

After attending a worship service this morning and breifly touring Tiananmen Square, it was back to the airport and off to the Jilin Province.

Tonight we are in Changchun City. We’ll be meeting our new Daughter for the first time at 9:00am tomorrow morning which will be about 8:00pm on Sunday evening back home.

Can’t wait. (!!!)

Well the day is finally here! We left today to meet my Dad (David’s) in Atlanta to drop off Sarah and Kathryn. We’ve just stopped at Barnes and Nobles to catch our breath (for the first time in about 3 days) and now we are about to head on to Birmingham in order to catch an early flight to China on Friday Morning.

Hectic doesn’t even begin to describe what it has been like to try to get ready to leave so quickly, but thanks to several cases of absolute divine intervention, it looks like we’re packed and ready.

We can really tell that people are praying for us. The Lord’s hand has been so evident. Thank you Lord(!) and thank you friends.

We’ll try to start posting with longer updates once we actually have some “sit” time after arriving in China. Stay tuned . . .. . (!)

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we travel and Sarah and Kathryn as they deal with missing being away from Mom and Dad for longer than they’ve ever been before.

Also please remember to pray for Lily as you pray for our family. We are told that the initial days of these types of adoptions tend to be rather traumatic for the children as they make the adjustment to their family and grieve over the loss of their familiar surroundings.

For all of you who have so gracioulsy responded to our letter and given your support, prayers and encouragement, we just can’t thank you enough. So far as we can tell at the moment, we are only about $5K short of where we need to be before we travel. While we still have a respectable amount to make up, we just can’t say enough about how overwhelmingly blessed we are to have gotten so close to our goal so quickly. We know that it is only by God’s grace and your kindness. Please continue to keep us in prayers and rejoice with us that God has been so good to us thus far.

In other news, two weekends ago, we finished our last “home improvement” to get ready for Hua Yin/Lily Faith’s arrival. To the great pleasure of Sarah and Kathryn, we’ve finally added their much anticipated bunk beds (big thanks to Michael, Melissa, Jesse and Matthew for the beds!) and repainted the room in “Princess” pink. All we need is princess #3 and the room with be complete!

If you are checking out our Weblog because you recieved one of our support letters, thanks so much for stopping by. We are so glad you are here!

Please take a second to look around and catch up on the latest news. To find news or pictures about specific family members or “happeningss,” please check the “categories” in the right column. If you have any questions for us about our adoption or the site, we would love to hear from you! Please feel free to email us

There is no way to know for sure, but AWAA estimates that our Travel Approval Letter should arrive sometime in December. We’ll post pictures of Hua Yin as soon as it comes. Thanks for checking!

Pretty cool!

“Yar! tis us in Key West!”

Angela working on another masterpiece!

Unfortunetly, due to a new a policy at our adoption agency, pictures of children to be adopted cannot be published on a Web Page of any kind until China grants the adopting family “travel approval.”

So far as we know, there is no prohibition about email pictures however, so if you’d like to see a picture of Hua Yin (hopefully soon to be “Lily Faith Yin”!) please just email us (see the link on our site).

After getting our “travel approval,” we should be travelling about 3 weeks later. Stay tuned . . .

Family togther with David’s Aunt and Uncle, Debby and Harry Robinson, after the Nashville 1/2 Marathon

Kathryn and “Aunt Debby” at the race

You can email Angela at angela@hardgrave.org

As Christians, adoption has always seemed to us to be such a vivid picture of the perfect love and grace of God. At the core of our faith, we understand that through the life and death of Jesus Christ, we have undeservedly been given the wonderful gift of entrance into God’s family, a sort of “spiritual adoption” if you will. We are by no means perfect, but as we trace the paths of our lives, we are truly humbled at how God has poured his grace and blessing onto us as His children. It seems that every year has been a fresh testament to His loving provision and transforming work in our lives.

Chang Huayin, female, born on April 20th of 2004 (there was a birthday note), was abandoned on April 21st of 2004. Changchun City Public Security Bureau Chaoyang Division Chongqing Road local police station sent the foundling to Changchun City Social Welfare Institute.

At enrollment the baby had a good general condition. Her temperature was normal and her breath was smooth. Her limbs moved freely. The fingers on her left hand were deformed. Her physiological reflexes existed. She was normal in other areas. After enrollment, under delicate care and nurture of our institute, the foundling developed well physically and intellectually. She received Hepatitis B, Polio, DTaP, and MMR vaccines.

This child has a good adaptability. She has an amiable disposition. She likes to be adored by familiar people. She has a ready smile. She likes watching TV advertisement. She likes playing with other kids. She can make others happy with her facial expression. She can gain attention with her voices. She can say “mama” and “papa” clearly. Her intellectual development is normal. She reacts quickly. She is very smart. She understands adult’s expression and words.

This child is energetic. Recently she was in good health condition. She didn’t have any diseases. She is a smart and lovely girl.

Sent by:

April 8,2005

Thanks so much for visiting hardgrave. org. Please check back to hear about our family and especially our adoption process. We’ll be “building” and filling the site with all kinds of things and hope to have some real content up soon.

Big thanks go to Jason Wohlford for doing the techincal “heavy lifting” for getting this site on line!

Grace and Peace ,
David and Angela

Big thanks go to Jason Wohlford for doing the techincal “heavy lifting” for getting this site on line!

Grace and Peace ,
David and Angela