the hardgrave family

Dearest family and friends,

Please forgive me (David) for not putting anything up for so long. I am always saying “I feel like I have no time,” and I guess, as much as I desperately want this to change, for at least this phase of my life it just isn’t going to.

The new catch phrase in our home has become “constant vigilance.” This is primarily due to Lily who is at the “you can’t take your eyes of them for even a moment” stage of toddlerhood. The reason for this is simple. She has an incredible way of making the safest of evironments a hazard to life and limb.

I really don’t want to mention even a fraction of the things that she has gotten herself into over the last few months for fear that someone who doesn’t understand the whole “two-year old” thing might misinterpret them, but I will say at a minimum that we’ve pulled more things out of her mouth than we know what to do with (many of which we don’t even know where they came from). We have a theory that she is actually using her checks as “pockets” for potential nap/bed time snacks. We wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she actually still had some food from Changchun in there.
In all truthfullnesss, she’s really not much different than Sarah and Kathryn were at this age, we’d just forgotten what was like to have to be so constantly “on guard.” It is exhausting (and I’m just the Dad talking here.)

Well, anyway, we know that this will pass, but for the moment though, it does tend to keep us away from posting (and host of other things not essential to the day-to-day survival of the children). That said, it is still such an incredible thing that God has done in bringing her to us and us to her. She really is a joy.

We’ve been asked a few times how your love for an adoptive child compares with the love you have for your natural children and I can honestly say after almost four months that in the most general sense, it’s really no different. It just as wonderful to get hug coming home from work from Lily as it is from either Sarah or Kathryn – as a matter of fact, it’s 150% as wonderful as it is was before. Three excited hugs are always better than two.

As difficult as it has been these few months to adjust from two children to three, adding the stress of a new two year old in the house, I still think that so many more people should be doing this, that is, adopting.

As I survey my generation, I am deeply saddened by the HUGE number of couples, even and especially Christian couples, who chose to have no children so that they can instead invest their lives in the pursuit of “things,” “hobbies” or even “finding themselves” (whatever that happens to mean on Oprah this week). All the while, millions of orphans both here in the U.S. and around the world waste away not knowing the love of parents and many not even having the basic necessities of life.

Besides the fact of the overwhelming need to which so many my age turn a blind eye, there’s a fundamental problem in our value system represented here. The problem is what we consider to be of value. We run after big screen TVs, luxury cars, fine houses, the best clothes, exotic vacations, or the latest gadget – all in an attempt to satiate what we think are our deepest desires and all vain attempts to truely satisfy the soul and put to rest its hunger for things really lasting, like communion with other eternal souls (that is people, and especially the little ones called children) and an eternal God.

I am saddened for the joy that my “childless by choice” friends will miss.

There’s a flood of joy that flows from loving your children that can be no more described to someone who hasn’t experienced it than can the ocean to someone who has never seen it.

Having experienced it, I can’t imagine anything that could be purchased on earth that could compare.

All the BMW’s in world aren’t worth that first time your five year old learns to use the phone and calls you at the office to tell how much she loves you and misses you when you are at work.

There’s no DVD player, Ipod, laptop computer or sound system that can bring you half the joy of just listening to your children giggle as they run through a garden hose sprinkler.

There are no big screen TVs that will gather round your death bed when you are old. No property or bank account will mourn your passing.

There are no “things” that will carry the legacy of your Faith to the next generation.

Children do that – not the “stuff” that can be bought with the money and time that can be harvested from choice for childlessness.

Sure, things have been tough lately, but I hope that we never forget that where it counts, we are RICH!

Yes, we are rich.

Well enough rambling . . . In the midst of all the “hullabaloo” of late, Lily had her 2^nd birthday party. That’s her cake pictured above. We had a great day with a small gathering of some of our family. Thanks to everyone who came down. Lily had a blast and we did too!