the hardgrave family

Well, if you have talked to us lately, you probably already know this, but things are going great with Lily. Despite the normal sibling stuff, Sarah and Kathryn both really love her and often make it a point to thank God for Lily when we say prayers together at bed and before our meals. It’s really sweet.
On Monday of this week, Angela took Lily to the International Adoption Clinic based at UAB and everything that we’ve heard so far has been good. They thought that she seemed to be bonding well and suggested the her outgoing personality testified strongly to the fact that she was with a foster family for the last year rather than in the orphange.
We have read the the initial transition and bonding process with children in fostercare could be really traumatic, but the “trade-off” if you will, is that the children from foster care do tend to be able to really make an attachment quicker. The folks at the international clinic menitoned all this again and added that Lily seemed to be doing well emotionally as well as physically.

Yesterday, February 16th, was our one month anniversary of Lily’s “adoption” day. It’s hard to believe that’s its been a full month since we paced with anticipation with our friends, the Whitlocks, in that government office in the freezing cold city of Changchun, China.

Given all the excitment, there’s not been a lot of time of for deep reflection, but we can not say enough about how good God has been to us. Despite the fatigue involved with keeping three preschoolers (fatigue mostly comes from Lily and Kathryn) safe, feed, sleeping, learning and loved, it was been wonderful to have a full house. On top of that, I just can’t say enough about how wonderful you, our friends and family have been to us. On top of having a reception/shower for us this past Sunday, there have been countless words of encouragement and acts of Kindness. We’ve really just been overwhelmed by everyone’s love and kindess.

The girls playing with blankets. This is a great game as you can both play “Peek-a-boo” and be an eskimo princess at the same time!

Lily in an outfit that Nettie Jones gave her at our reception Sunday. You can’t tell it from her expression here, but she LOVES new clothes just like her two sisters do.

Before starting this post, Angela left to run some errands and take some much deserved “alone time” while doing so. Since I started writing this post (now three hours ago), I’ve intervened in countless “sharing” issues, changed a few diapers (Full diapers), dealt with a couple of tantrums and managed to not notice until this moment that Kathryn is wearing her blue jeans backwards. It’s been fun, but I have once again been reminded how thankful I need to be for my dear wife who spends 90+% of her waking hours keeping the kids alive and loved. And for the record, I’ve never seen any of the kids’ pants on backwards when she’s in charge.

(By the way, Sarah wants to help me post, so she’s adds “I love you Aunt Susie!”)
Things are getting closer to “normal” and we are starting to make some real progress in re-establishing our routines. We may even get back to our diet here soon. If we don’t, the new outfits are going to have be for Dad(me). Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that!

PS – Our posting has been and will be, I am sure, somewhat erratic for the foreseeable future. If you would like to get our posts when they are new, you can use your browser or email client (Mozzilla Thunderbird is incredible and free) to subscribe to our site’s RSS feed.  You can get it here.

Lily is fitting right in!

Since the girls were sick last weekend, tonight was first time we have taken Lily to Church. The picture above shows the “Welcome” banner that our friends put up in the nursery. We know Lily can’t read it, but it was still really cool and very thoughtful. We love you guys (girls) , y’all are great!

Lily in the nursery tonight

Kathryn having a great time in the nursery too!

So far as we can tell, Lily did great in the new atmosphere and seems to be really taking well to her new church family. She, of course, has no idea how much she is loved by our dear friends at Morningview, but I am confident that she’ll know soon enough, it’s just too hard to miss.

All three girls having chocolate chip waffles. (No mom, they don’t get this every morning, We promise )

Well, after several days of acclimatizing and concerted effort on helping Lily learn to sleep again at night, things seems to be settling down nicely. Sarah continues to relish the big sister role and may as well be Lily’s “little mommy.” Kathryn seems to really like Lily, but the standard toddler “rules of engagement” or “property laws” do still apply. If you haven’t heard these, they go something like this:

1. If I like it, it’s mine.
2. If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
4. If I had it a week ago, it’s mine.
5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I’m doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
8. If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
9. If it it’s near me, it’s mine.

Many of you reading this may be thinking just like me, “humm . . . that sounds a lot like the way our friends in the middle east view property.” Well, as you might expect, it’s producing the same basic thing in our home that it produces in the middle east . . . conflict (of course on a much smaller scale and without the imported black-market arms). But I digress . . .

All that said, it really isn’t that big a deal, for as far as we can tell, they’re behaving just like normal toddlers and right now, we think that’s mostly a good thing. Teaching our preschoolers to share their toys in complete altruism is, we know, a “Holy Grail” of parenting that we will most likely never fully attain with any of the three.

(Sometimes we still need some work on “the sharing thing” as grown-ups!)

All-in-all, the girls are really getting along famously. Sarah’s doing such superb job at being a “little mother” to Lily, that Lily has actually starting going to Sarah to try get her to take a toy away from Kathryn after having unsuccessfully petitioned Angela. The toy-taking, of course, goes both ways, so Lily’s fitting right in.

Three Peas in a Pod!

On another positive note, Sarah and Kathryn have discovered that some things that were “very fun” with two sisters are “super fun” with three sisters. At the top of this list are 1) “Playing Horsey” (all three on my, David’s, back moving about 10 very exciting steps) and 2) “Riding the Pony” (Sarah on one knee, Kathryn and Lily on the other.) Both of these events are almost guaranteed to land all of us on the floor in a big pile with lots of giggles. It’s fun stuff.

Thanks for your prayers. The Lord is good and indeed, His mercies are new every morning!
(Mow!)